| There once was a flasher in Halifax town. How he wishes he had never been born. He came from the west in the month of May, To annoy the townsfolk Day by Day. |
| Chorus: God damn it all, we fixed him good, Taught him a lesson and it's understood. He'll flash no more – have no fear, ‘Cause he's a broken man on a Halifax pier. The last to bare his privates here. |
| He'd walk the docks in the broad daylight. How he wishes he had never been born. With an old trench coat and his rubber boots, And nothin' underneath but his birthday suit. |
| Chorus |
| He snuck up on the ladies and opened his coat. How he wishes he had never been born. With his dark sunglasses and a toothless grin, He'd scare the BeJesus right out of them. |
| Chorus | The police were summoned but to no avail. How he wishes he had never been born. Every time they arrived at the pier he was on, He had slipped right away, he was already gone. |
| Chorus |
| So the townsfolk gathered at the old town hall. How he wishes he had never been born. After many long hours they came up with a plan, We’ll phone Mrs. Bobbit, she’ll deal with the man. |
| Chorus |
| So Loreena came up and she walked the piers. How he wishes he had never been born. And one last time he opened his coat, You can cut to the chase, that`s all she wrote. |
| Chorus | So I give fair warnin` to you flashers all. How he wishes he had never been born. If you`re comin`to town to do something strange, You just may be in for a quick sex change. |
| Chorus |