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CYBERMOUSE JOKE SQUAD JOKEBOOK ... DRINKING BUDDIES 
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beer toast 

Thanks Budd, From: DK

Johnny O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the
rest of me life, Between the legs of me wife!"
That won him the top prize for the best toast of the night!

He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize
for the best toast of the night." She said, "Aye, what
was your toast?"

John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life,
sitting in church beside me wife."

"Oh that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John's toasting
buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled
leeringly and said, "John won the prize, the other
night, with a toast about you, Mary."

She said, "Aye and I was a bit surprised me self! You
know he's only been there twice! Once he fell asleep,
and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to
make him come!"


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Talking Clock

thanks jpchris
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A drunk was proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his
friends late one night. When they made it to the bedroom, they saw a big
brass gong next to the bed.

"What's a big brass gong doing in your bedroom?" one of the guests asked.

"It's not a gong. It's a talking clock," the drunk replied.

"A talking clock? Seriously?" asked his astonished friend.

"Yup," replied the drunk.

"How's it work?" the friend asked, squinting at it.

"Watch," the drunk replied.

He picked up the mallet, gave it an ear-shattering pound, and stepped back.

The three stood looking at one another for a moment.

Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed, "You
idiot, it's three o'clock in the morning!"


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Liquor warnings:

WARNING:  The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell
happened to your bra and panties.

WARNING:  The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are
whispering when you are not.

WARNING:  The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a
retard.

WARNING:  The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends
over and over again that you love them.

WARNING:  The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.

WARNING:  The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can
logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.

WARNING:  The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you
are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

WARNING:  The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are
laughing WITH you.

WARNING:  The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.

WARNING:  The consumption of alcohol may be a major factor in getting
your ass kicked.

WARNING:  the crumsumpten of alcohol may Mack you tink you kan tpye reel
gode.

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