CYBERMOUSE JOKE SQUAD JOKEBOOK.... FOOD ======================================== Subject: hum: having bad days Bob and Doug went into a diner that looked as though it had seen better days. As they slid in to a booth, Bob wiped some crumbs from the seat. Then he took a napkin and wiped some moisture from the table. The waitress came over and asked if they wanted some menus. "No thanks," said Doug. "I'll just have a cup of black coffee." "I'll have black coffee too," Bob said. "And please make sure the cup is clean." The waitress shot him a nasty look. She turned and marched off into the kitchen. Two minutes later, she was back. "Two cups of black coffee," she announced. "Which one of you wanted the clean cup?" ................................................. thanks Brent A Prayer for Dinner Parties A woman invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to her six-year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?" "I wouldn't know what to say," she replied. "Just say what you hear Mommy say," the mother said. The child bowed her head and said, "Dear Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?" ....................... You Are A Bad Cook If... - The last time you tried to make toast the kitchen caught on fire - Your apple pie bubbled over and ate the enamel off the bottom of the oven. - You make tuna noodle broccoli surprise for your family and the surprise is that it glows in the dark! - Your homemade bread can be used as a door stop. - The leftover crumbs make a great replacement for kitty litter. - Those annoying pest control companies keep pestering you, wanting to buy and patent your recipe for candy Christmas cookies. - You forget and leave a gallon of your homemade ice cream on the porch overnight during a record busting heat- and the next afternoon, not only is it still solid, but it tastes better. - You hate rice, but you keep finding it floating around in your beef stew. - Your kids know what exactly peas porridge in a crockpot nine days old tastes like. - The EPA requires that all your garbage cans be marked with large bright red 'biohazard' symbols. - You use the smoke alarm as a cooking timer. - You consider it a culinary success if the pop-tart stays in one piece. - Your dog goes to the neighbors' to eat. - Your family buys Alka Seltzer and Kaopectate in bulk. - When you barbecue, two of your kids hold water guns and the third stands ready by the phone with 911 on speed-dial. - Your family automatically heads for the dinner table every time they hear a fire truck siren. - Your microwave display reads "TILT!" - Your two best recipes are meatloaf and apple pie, but your dinner guests can't tell which is which. - You've used three boxes of scouring pads and a bottle of Drano and a crowbar, and that macaroni and cheese still won't let go of the pan. - You make tuna noodle surprise and the surprise is that it glows in the dark and melts the silverware. - Your family prays AFTER they eat! ....................................................... What's for dinner? Can't eat beef......mad cow Can't eat chicken...... bird flu Can't eat eggs..... possible Salmonellla Can't eat pork.....fears that bird flu will infect piggies. Also trichinosis Can't eat fish....... heavy metals in the waters have poisoned their meat Can't eat fruits and veggies....... insecticides and herbicides Can't eat potatoes, pasta, bread, rice.......nasty carbs Hmmmmmmmm! I believe that leaves.......Chocolate. ---------------------------------------------------- ============================================= Please feel free to share Cybermouse Joke Squad jokes. Cybermouse claims no ownership or authorship of any materials presented here. They have been scrounged and shared anony-mousely.. authorship is noted where known. --------------------------30-------------------------