CYBERMOUSE JOKE SQUAD JOKEBOOK.... PETS ================================================================= Jonny's Parrot Jonny received a parrot for his birthday. The parrot was fully grown, with a very bad attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was a swear word; those that weren't cursing were very rude. Jonny tried to change the bird's attitude by constantly saying polite words, playing soft music-anything he could think of. Nothing worked. He then tried yelling at the bird, but the bird got worse. He shook the bird, and the bird got madder and ruder. Finally, in a moment of desperation, Jonny put the parrot in the freezer. For a few moments he heard the bird swearing, squawking, kicking and screaming and then, suddenly, there was absolute quiet. Jonny was frightened that he might have actually hurt the bird, and quickly opened the freezer door. The parrot calmly stepped out onto Jonny's extended arm and said, "I'm sorry that I offended you with my language and my actions, and I ask your forgiveness. I will endeavor to correct my behavior". Jonny was astounded at the changes in the bird's attitude and was about to ask what had changed him, when the parrot continued, "May I ask what the Chicken did?" ---------------------------------------------------- Self-Evident Truths About Pets * Although cats are rather delicate creatures, and they are subject to a good many ailments, I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia. * Dogs and cats instinctively know the exact moment their owners will wake up. Then they wake them 10 minutes sooner. * Dogs have owners. Cats have staff. * Dogs shed, cats shred. * I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult? * No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as the dog does. * Outside of a dog, a book is probably man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. * I hope to be the kind of person my dog thinks I am. * Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful. * We wonder why the dogs always drink out of our toilets, but look at it from their point of view: Why do humans keep peeing into their water bowls? * Women and cats will do as they please ... men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. * When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem. ---------------------------------------------------- ========================================================================= Please feel free to share Cybermouse Joke Squad posts with anyone in need of a chuckle. Cybermouse claims no ownership or authorship of any materials contained in this post. They have been scrounged and shared anony-mousely.. authorship is noted where known. ===============================2005===================================== --------------------------30---------------------------------------------