============================================================== CYBERMOUSE JOKE SQUAD ARCHIVES ... Q & A .. Quiz Time ============================================================== An easy professional quiz... thanks Elaine The following short quiz consists of four questions and will tell you whether you are qualified to be a professional. Scroll down for each answer. The questions are NOT that difficult. But don't scroll down UNTIL you have answered the question! 1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator? The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and close the door. This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way. 2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator? Did you say, "Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant, and close the refrigerator?" Wrong Answer. Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door. This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your previous actions. 3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend ... except one. Which animal does not attend? Correct Answer: The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator. You just put him there -- this tests your memory. Okay, even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly, you still have one more chance to show your true abilities. 4. There is a river you must cross but it is inhabited by crocodiles and you do not have a boat. How do you manage it? Correct Answer: You jump into the river and swim across. Haven't you been listening? All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting. This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes. According to Anderson Consulting Worldwide, around 90% of the professionals they tested got all questions wrong, but many preschoolers had several correct answers. Anderson Consulting says this conclusively disproves the theory that most professionals have the brains of four-year-olds. Send this out to frustrate all your smart friends! ---------------------------------------------------- Q. What is another name for a nerve specialist? A. A twitch doctor. ................... Q. How many balls of string would it take to reach the moon? A. Only one, if it were long enough. .................. Q. What goes: Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, plop? A. Someone who is laughing their head off. .................... Q. Who ws Snow White's brother? A. Egg White. Get the yolk? .................... Q. What do you get when you cross a movie with a swimming pool? A. A dive-in theater. .................... Q. How many feet are in a yard? A. It depends how many people are in the yard? .................... Q. Do we get fur from a skink? A. Yes, as fur as possible. .......................... Q. Do these stairs go to the third floor? A. No, you have to walk. ......................... Q.What is a small joke called? A. A mini ha ha. ---------------------------------------------------- thanks Doris S.A.T. TESTING The following questions and answers were collated from the SAT tests given to 16 years-old students! You have to admit some are very creative. Q: Name the four seasons. A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink. A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists. Q: How is dew formed? A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire. Q: What is a planet? A: A body of earth surrounded by sky. Q: What causes the tides in the ocean? A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow toward the moon because there is no water on the moon and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight. Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections? A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election. Q: What are steroids? A: Things for keeping carpets on the stairs. Q: What happens to your body as you age? A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental. Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty? A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to adultery. Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes. A: Premature death. Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? A: Keep it in the cow. Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (e.g., abdomen). A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O and U. Q: What is the Fibula? A: A small lie. Q: What does "varicose" mean? A: Nearby. Q: What is the most common form of birth control? A: Most people prevent contraption by wearing a condominium. Q. Give the meaning of the term "Caesarian Section" A. The caesarian section is a district in Rome. Q: What is a seizure? A: A Roman Emperor.. Q: What is a terminal illness? A: When you are sick at the airport. Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature? A:Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas. Q: What does the word "benign" mean? A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight. Q: What is a turbine? A: Something an Arab wears on his head. ---------------------------------------------------- ===================================================================== Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle). We all need a good laugh. Cybermouse claims no ownership or authorship of any materials contained on this page. They have been scrounged and shared anony-mousely.. authorship is noted where known. =================2004-2005========================================= ----------------------30--------------------------