==================================================================== CYBERMOUSE JOKE SQUAD JOKEBOOK.... WARNINGS & DISCLAIMERS ==================================================================== Possible Warning Lables On a cardboard windshield sun shade: "Warning: Do Not Drive With Sun Shield in Place" On an infant's bathtub: Do not throw baby out with bath water. On a Magic 8 Ball: Not advised for use as a home pregnancy test. On a roll of Life Savers: Not for use as a flotation device. On a cup of McDonald's coffee: Allow to cool before applying to groin area. On a refrigerator: Refrigerate after opening. On pantyhose: Not to be used in the commission of a felony. On work gloves: For best results, do not leave at crime scene. On a palm sander: Not to be used to sand palms. On a calendar: Use of term "Sunday" for reference only. No meteorological warranties express or implied. On Odor Eaters: Do not eat. On a blender: Not for use as an aquarium. On a microscope: Objects in view are larger and more alarming than they appear. On alphabet blocks: Not for children. Letters may be used to construct words, phrases and sentences that may be deemed offensive. ---------------------------------------------------- Liquor warnings: WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may be a major factor in getting your ass kicked. WARNING: the crumsumpten of alcohol may Mack you tink you kan tpye reel gode. ======================================== Toy Disclaimers * No beanies or babies harmed in the manufacture of this product. * Warning: This fad will disappear in 6 weeks. * Caution: Care Bears do not actually care very much. * Warning: This toy produces substantially less childish glee in real life than it does in the TV commercial. * Some dismemberment may occur. * Do not purchase this toy at all. Put it back on the shelf! NOW!! Just walk away, timid little man. * Failure to fall immediately to your knees in gratitude and eternally thank parents for shelling out $400 and waiting in line behind a smelly woman from Jersey City for two hours to *get* your Sega Dreamcast -- especially when you've already got a Playstation and a box full of games that are now headed for the next garage sale -- may result in bodily injury. * Do not stare at product. Hey! You're doing it now! Cut that out!! * In case of breakage, scream until dad buys a replacement. * Not to be taken internally, literally or seriously. * Use as an actual terrorist device not recommended. *Do not attempt to combine your Ultra Mega Warrior with your cat to make Ultra Mega Cat Warrior. * NOTE: The makers of "Queen Amidala's Naboo Dream Palace" assume no responsibility for the quality of the movie which spawned it. * Some assimilation required. Resistance is futile. ---------------------------------------------------- more wacky lables.. Here are more from the Wacky Warning Labels contest, sponsored by Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch: "Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover." On a public toilet: "Recycled flush water unsafe for drinking." "Warning: Riders of personal watercraft may suffer injury due to forceful injection of water into body cavities, either by falling into the water or while mounting the craft." On an electric router: "This product not intended for use as a dental drill." On a novelty rock-garden set (called Popcorn Rock): "Eating rocks may lead to broken teeth." ............................................... In an iron pamphlet: Do not use on clothes while being worn on body. ---------------------------------------------------- =================================================================== Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle). We all need a good laugh. Cybermouse claims no ownership or authorship of the materials presented here. They have been scrounged and shared anony-mousely.. authorship is noted where known. =====================2004-2005================================== +++++++++++++++++++++++30++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++