=============================================================== CYBERMOUSE JOKE SQUAD JOKEBOOK & ARCHIVES.... BURNING QUESTIONS ================================================================ Burning Questions You always woundered... If a prune is a dehydrated plum, what is prune juice? How do they get the seeds out of seedless watermelon? If carrots develop better eye-sight, how come you always see so many dead rabbits on the side of the road? If fruit is meant to be eaten, why are some types poisonous? Why does a grapefruit look nothing like a grape? Why does 10 pounds of groceries generate 50 pounds of garbage? Why does 2 pounds of chocolate add 10 pounds to your waistline? Why do you only crave fast food after the restaurant has closed for the night? Why do you get round from eating square meals? Why does food that tastes the best have the highest number of calories? Why do people who only eat natural foods drink decaffeinated coffee? Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with the hopes that something new to eat will have materialized? Is it possible to buy something specific in a general store? Why don't crackers ever break on the perforations? Why is it called Grey Poupon when it's really yellow? Why is it that the other queue always moves faster? Why is it that they put expiry dates on preservatives? Why does mold consistently become a color opposite of its host (i.e. white on dark stuff and dark on white bread)? If you are what you eat, haven't you eaten yourself? Are Cheerios really doughnut seeds? Why do they call it chili if it's hot? Just how much is much? And when you eat a lot, why do we always eat two of them? What's the difference between a pioneer and an illegal alien? ---------------------------------------------------- thanks jpchris Answers to those burning questions ********************** 1. Does a clean house indicate that there is a broken computer in it? No. It indicates a neat-freak with too much time on their hands. 2. Why is it that no matter what color of bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white? Would YOU want to bathe in colored water; especially colored butt water? 3. Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale? No, 'cuz everyone's f****g their old one into oblivion. 4. Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized? They believe in the "Refrigerator Fairy." 5. On electric toasters, why do they engrave the message "one slice"? How many pieces of bread do they think people are really gonna try to stuff in that slot? Considering that they have to put the warning label on hair dryers, "Do Not Use While Bathing," probably the whole loaf to save time. 6. Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance? One word: Attention Deficit Disorder! 7. Why is it that no plastic garbage bag will open from the end you first try? Murphy's Law 8. How do those dead bugs get into those closed light fixtures? They're trying to figure out the old joke, "How Many Bugs Does It Take To Screw In A Light Bulb." 9. Considering all the lint you get in your dryer, if you kept drying your clothes would they eventually just disappear? That's a no-brainer! Check out men's underwear! (or at least what's left of the elastic band) 10. Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over? See #7 11. Is it true that the only difference between a yard sale and a trash pickup is how close to the road the stuff is placed? Tell me about it. I've sold the cardboard box I live in a dozen times so far. 12. How come we never hear father-in-law jokes? Because they're smart enough to keep their mouths shut. 13. If at first you don't succeed, shouldn't you try doing it like your wife told you to do it? I did. Now I have to redo it again. 14. The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some sort of mental illness. I guess this means the other 3 are enjoying it? ---------------------------------------------------- ===================================================================== Please feel free to share Cybermouse Joke Squad jokes. Cybermouse claims no ownership or authorship of the materials presented here. They have been scrounged and shared anony-mousely.. authorship is noted where known. ==========================2005======================================= +++++++++++++++++++++++30++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++